“For it would surely be ridiculous to wish wine well; if one wishes anything for it, it is that it may keep, so that one may have it oneself.”
-Aristotle
021 Raisin Bran and Vanilla Yogurt [Continued]
Blaeeck.
I slapped a dollop of creamy vanilla yogurt down into the bowl Raisin Bran flakes spotted with dried grapes. Aristotle, I thought with my waking brain kicking into gear, Aristotle would have mentioned something like that. I combed through my cereal and I combed my memory.
Usually, what happens when individuals are painfully withdrawing from one another is a type of trivial relationship. A sort of utilitarian friendship. Not always, but it can easlily become one.
Utility. That rings a proverbial bell.
My old greek friend, a bit of a thinker that guy, told me about how friendships can look different, can be different. His philosophy was that friendships can be categorized into three breeds of mutual bonds that individuals can have with one another.
First, the Friendship of Utility.
u·til·i·ty [yoo-til-i-tee] noun, plural -ties, adjective
–noun
1. the state or quality of being useful; usefulness.
2. something useful; a useful thing.
3. a public service, as a telephone or electric-light system, a streetcar or
railroad line, or the like.
4. Often, utilities. a useful or advantageous factor or feature.
5. Economics. the capacity of a commodity or a service to satisfy some
human want.–adjective
1. (of domestic animals) raised or kept as a potentially profitable product
rather than for show or as pets: utility breeds; utility livestock.
2. designed chiefly for use or service rather than beauty, high quality, or
the like: a utility vehicle; utility furniture.
Aristotle told me once that the friendship of utility looks like a couple who do not love one another for their character but for some good in which they can benefit from. Those who love for the sake of utility, love for the sake of what is good for themselves.
Utility is what it looks like when people have friends to say that they have friends. What it looks like when you socially network to gain status, get electoral votes to gain the power of public office, or when you ask people to join a business venture under their “line” in the pyramid. When boys marry so they have someone to take the kids to school in the mornings or to satisfy the economics of their sexuality. Please refer to Figure A for further representation.
Fig. A
You (like boats) + someone (has a boat) = friends
This utility is for service rather than beauty. That’s the key phrase here. Friendships of utility are those that are kept for profit. Service that profits me.
It can be more complex, of course. It can be layered into a friendship with particular aspects of the mutual bond being that of utility. Individuals can be blindly unaware of their motives of utility.
Interestingly, Aristotle speculates that utility friendships exist chiefly between the old and the young. The old at there elderly age pursue not the pleasant but the useful and the young desire what is beneficial to their future and their current state of pleasure.
Pleasure. Thats the second type of mutual bond that individuals can have with one another. Its just like utility except that the added element is that the two enjoy each other. Friendships of pleasure love one another for the sake of what is pleasant to themselves.
pleas·ure |ˈple zh ər|
noun–
1. a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment : she smiled with pleasure at being praised.
• enjoyment and entertainment, contrasted with things done out of necessity : she had not traveled for pleasure for a long time.
• an event or activity from which one derives enjoyment : the car makes driving in the city a pleasure.
• sensual gratification.
Young lovers are like this, so my old greek friend has illustrated to me, mutually exchanging services; date to the movies, arm candy, drinking buddy, bed buddy, spelunking buddy.
Accordingly, mutually exchanging pleasure; flirting friend, sailing friend, Battlestar Galatica nerd friend, etc. Selfishness is the bottom line of these friendships; self-interested egocentrism.
There are more flakes than raisins in this batch of Raisin Bran. Disappointing. Very Disappointing.
Aristotle once explained to me that when the bloom of youth is passing the friendship sometimes passes too. So the lover, when he finds no utility or pleasure in the beloved, moves on; friendship over. Please refer to Figure B. The beloved then has no utility or pleasure either when the lover is not servicing. The greater part of the relationship depends on emotion and aims at pleasure therefore, they fall in and out of love as their emotions and pleasures change.
Fig. B
You (like boats) + someone (has a boat) - boat ≠ friends
How quickly can these friendships can cease to exist, as dry sand slipping out of my opened hand on a windy day in Chicago. “The useful is not permanent but always changing,” the Greek would say. “It existed only for the ends in question.”
Blaaeeeecckkk. Cereal needs more yogurt. For. Sure.
What kind of friendships exist between the warrior quintet? Are we using each other for utilities sake or the sake of pleasure? In what ways am I being selfishly gratified:
A) By the attention Katie gives to my complaints?
B) Jameson’s laughs at my halfwitted puns?
C) Grayson’s company to a restaurant or coffee shop?
D) The status/ego boast of having an model friend like Holly?
E) The girl, whose name I've forgotten, and the couch bed that I had slept on the night before?
Pleasure and utility look a lot alike, don’t they? They resemble the miserly face of inconsideration. Selfishness is not my avocation. It is my occupation.
However, in the stage of life where change is happening if you like it or not, we have this distance that we put between each other. Two individuals who could explore the opportunity of paving a life together must limit their interaction because the future is moving somewhere that neither of them can predict. Friend groups go on trips, have planned and unplanned activities, watch movies, have game nights, all the while thinking this wont last forever. It may be my ambition to travel the world and be Indiana Jones and one friend may be an accountant and work in Houston.
Distance decay is what we know will happen. The longer and the farther we are away the less of a friendship will exist. How can it not be friendships for pleasure of utility?
We might change, become not as pleasant. Friendship ends.
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Continued Monday in Part Three.
Continued from Raisin Bran and Vanilla Yogurt [Part One]
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